Darkness Within
by ShantelleBelikova
Summary: Dear Roza, Did you like the gift I left you? I hope you enjoyed it. I know I certainly enjoyed the way she tasted in my mouth. Let me tell you it was mouth watering. Anyway I just want to tell you I am coming for you and I as you probably guessed am in town and not to far from the academy. You have been warned Dimitri PLEASE R&R first fanfic
1. The Day I thought I killed Dimitri

**Chapter one**

**The Day I thought I killed Dimitri**

I ran the note once again for the billionth time in my head from my old lover Dimitri Belikov. Everything was black and I could hear voices around me but my eyes wouldn't open for reasons unknown. I thought I could hear Lissa's voice along with the doctors voice as well. I wasn't quiet sure why everything seemed fuzzy to me. It was dark. And my eyes were heavy to where I tried to open them but they wouldn't budge. I was scared until I heard the voice for sure. I stopped struggling trying to listen.

"What happened?" asked a doctor who I didn't know

"She read a note and then all of the sudden passed out." I felt the doctor look me over

"She seems to have fallen and hit her head pretty hard." the doctor said

"Well, will she be alright?" asked Lissa

"I do not know. Tell me again what happened." the doctor demanded

"I told you once already she had a note in her hands after she read it she suddenly collapsed. I do not know what the note said, but it must have been something really serious for her to pass out like that." Lissa said in an impatient note in her voice.

"Well where is the note now?" Asked my mom or at least I thought it was my mother.

"She still has it in her hand I think, she may have dropped it when she black out but I am not sure." Lissa again.

"What are they talking about?" I wondered. Then everything started coming into focus and I started to remember what was going on around me when I finally spoke up.

"Dimitri, I thought I killed him but I failed him not once but twice. He is mad at me so now he is coming after me." I saw my mom's lips tighten whenever she tried to stay calm. My mom and I had never gotten along since I was born. But the last six months of me going through hell she was always there for me no matter what. Now I had a better understanding about the life she goes through. I could feel Lissa's panic inside of me with the bond that we shared. I just wanted to tell them everything would be okay and we would make it without harm to us. But I knew that wasn't going to happen because Dimitri was a strigoi and strigoi never feel emotion. This war between us will keep up until he gets what he wants which is me or I kill him by my own hand. However the outcome I have to kill him first or he will kill me. I was trying to think of how I was going to kill him. I wasn't scared of death but when the love of my life was killing me I couldn't stand it.

I couldn't stand the thought of it because he once loved me and dying while watching his eyes upon me. Those cruel red eyes telling me as I died that they were satisfied at the task they had completed. In time he would probably regret ever doing it. I highly doubt it though. I was pondering and trying to plot in my head how I could help Dimitri. I then saw my mom leave in a rush as Lissa was right behind her. I could feel Lissa's feelings more and more as the day went on. I didn't have any other visits for a while until that night when Christian and Adrian came in and said hello and stayed with me.

I think they were trying to distract me. Well it wasn't working very well. My mind was still spinning thinking about my Dimitri. Nothing anyone did seemed to work for very long. I was still thinking about everything not even noticing they were talking to me. I was in my own little world not even realizing that I had company until Lissa came in and told me off for not listening.

"Oh sorry I have been in my own little world all day. What did you say?"

"Oh Rose what is wrong with you? You haven't been the same since you came back and read that note." Noted Lissa.

"Very observant Lissa. You knew I loved him. Why must you keep bugging me?!" I snapped not meaning to.

"Calm down little dhampir. It will all be okay I promise." Cooed Adrian.

"Shut it Adrian. And Lissa I am sorry. I just have been going through hell. I should get over him but I just can't seem to. It hurts to keep him close and it hurts to try and let go."

"Its alright Rose, Lissa and Adrian are right. You'll pull through this. We will help you together we can conquer anything." Christian smiled.

A few days later I was released from the hospital and I was almost back to myself. Well as back as I was going to get. I was starving and decided to go for dinner it was in the middle of the night for us which for normal people it would be morning. I smelled food and my stomach was telling me how long I had gone without it. I went into the commons and found Adrian, Christian, and Lissa all over in the far corner waving to me. I smiled as I found them and ran over to them. Everyone was staring at me, but at the moment I did not even care why they were staring. To make things even more mysterious my mother decided to come sit by us as well. As she sat down I gave her a huge smile and thanked her silently for being there for me. Surprisingly she smiled back as if she knew what I had just said. Adrian was talking he had stopped eruptly as he started and everyone was looking at him looking at me when I was the first to speak up.

"Adrian, what in the world are you looking at me like that?"

"Well, little dhampir your aura is so black I have never seen anyone's aura that black before. I am just trying to figure out why you are full of darkness. You're full with more darkness then everyone in this room put together."

Lissa and everyone looked at me with pity and their limbs went as stiff as if they were in battle. I think that they thought I was going to blow again. Just then my mother saved me and everyone else from the tension and asked if she could talk to me in the hallway. Of course I was more then happy to. Just then her cell phone rang and when she hung up she had told me it was my father coming to see me. I recently found out after coming back from Russia that Abe was my father. I was excited but nervous at the same time because I knew what he was like in Russia when he saved me but I didn't know how to react this time. I barely even knew the guy. As I said I didn't know he was my father until I got back and my mother told me. I was filled with so many different emotions that I couldn't think clearly. On top of that it didn't help that I still thought about Dimitri on a constant basis. I love him with all my heart even if he is evil.

It pained me to keep thinking of him but I couldn't just let him go for two reasons one: No matter what the outcome had been I know once upon a time he loved me. He actually loved me and it wasn't just lust. I needed him the same way. I loved him for him and only his love for me. I couldn't just let that love die. To me, that love was so strong that it was a love worth fighting for. Two: He was coming for me and I could not let my guard down for a second knowing that he could be on the doorstep of the school any moment to kill me. This war was between the two of us. No one else had to get hurt. I couldn't risk my friends life or anyone else's life for my selfish reasons. But I know that even if I asked my friends to stay behind they wouldn't they would come with me and risk their lives for me. I couldn't stand the thought. I just wanted to run away from my problems and never look back knowing that everyone was safe.

Adrian's Promises The more I thought about it the more I just wanted to run away. I knew that running away would not solve my problems. I took it at that moment to just run. I had made up my mind. I ran faster then I had ever ran before. If it were but for a few minutes to be by myself I'd soon be okay and pull myself together. As I ran I heard several voices behind me but I still didn't stop. I had gone passed the borders of the academy and let my feet carry me. I did not know where I was going until I stopped. I found myself by the entrance of the caves where I last saw my Dimitri. I sat down and just cried. I was surprised my body didn't go in shock. I then went inside of the cave and saw all the leftover traces from the battle. I had no idea why of all places my feet would bring me here but my gut was trying to tell me something although I could not understand what it was. I fought the impulse to go in further but of course my curiousity won over, I chose the latter. I continued going in. Well at least there are no strigoi in here this time. I thought to myself. I still didn't know why I was doing this or what I was doing here. As I went deeper into the caves I could smell something horrible. I didn't quiet grasp it until I was in there and saw a little girls corpse just hanging on a rope. She must have been in here for some time because she sure was rank.

I then ran outside horrified at what I had just seen. Her throat was ripped out, she had blood all over her from her hair to her feet. Her eyes were opened at least that what it looked like, they were all clouded up and glazed over, she had bruises all over her body. It looked like she tried to fend them off. She had maggots coming out of her scalp along with flies buzzing all around. I thought I was going to be sick. Just then someone came over. I do not know who it was because just then my body went into shock. I collapsed and I think I fell in someones arms. After days of subconcious shock, I heard voices as I was coming to.

"Abe I am so scared. What if she doesn't pull through?"

"Oh she will my sweet she is strong and bullheaded just like her mom."

"Oh Abe, no wonder she went into shock did you see that poor child? And a note addressed to Rose from him."

"We best not tell her about the note or else we will get her all worked up."

"I agree we cannot tell her but she's very smart she will find out one way or the other."

"That is true, but we need to keep her safe."

"Abe, I hate to say this but I think her not knowing puts her in more danger then if we didn't tell her."

"Okay fine we will tell her but the time has to be just right."

"Okay, thank you."

I did not hear anything after that. I assumed they had left. So Dimitri was in town and he left me a note in that horrible scene. I could not decide what was worse him being turned or the evil things he did to get my attention. Either thing made my stomach turn. I just wanted to get up and scream. I just wanted to cry and throw things to vent. Apprently I had been out for a while but how long had it been? Hours? Days? Months? I did not know. I was just very confused. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep only to slip in the nightmare that became reality. The nightmare of that poor innocent little girl that was no older then maybe six or seven. It pained me to see that picture over and over in my head. I finally grabbed my head and started screaming. I was still asleep thinking I was awake until my mom, dad, Lissa, Adrian, and Christian came in. Lissa tried to heal me with Adrian, as my father, I assumed was holding me so I wouldn't lash out and my mom rubbing my head trying to calm me down. The first thing I saw when I woke up it was Christian's face. I immediatey looked at my mother and father giving them a dirty look not knowing what was going to happen next.

"Okay, my parents when were you planning to tell me Dimitri left me a note?"

"Kizime? What are you talking about?" my dad asked.

"Don't play dumb or stupid with me. I heard you guys a few minutes ago talking about it."

My mother sighed "We were not going to tell you because we didn't want to get you all worked up or distressed over this. You shouldn't be in these kinds of situations."

"Mom I have to be. This is my war, not yours, not dads, no ones. I have to do this and fight it myself. It's me he wants not you guys. I really need you all to stay out of this. I do not want anyone involved. I couldn't stand it if I had another death on my mind."

Everyone went quiet while pondering what I said and all at once they all began to protest making my head ache even worse then what it was. I suddenly threw my hands around my head screaming in pain. It wouldn't stop. I couldn't focus, I couldn't think. Nothing I did helped it. It wasn't until Adrian made me go to sleep and he took me into one of his dreams that I finally was able to calm down enough to think. When I opened my eyes in the dream we were under a cliff in front of a huge waterfall in water to our ankles. It was green and had exotic plants all over. Adrian was staring at me like he was worried or something. I had asked him what was wrong with him.

"Are you okay little dhampir?"

"I am now thanks to you. Why?"

"Rose your aura is not just a color, but its whisping like smoke from a smoldering fire."

" So your trying to tell me its getting worse?"

"I hate to say this but yeah."

"What am I going to do? How can I get rid of this darkness?"

"I don't know little dhampir but we will figure it out I promise."

"Adrian, I am scared. What if I can't pull through this? What if I have to much darkness in me that I can't control it?"

"Don't think like that Rose you can and will pull through it do you hear me?"

"Adrian I am so scared."

"I know you are. I think we're all scared Rose."

I let him hold me as I cried myself to sleep in his arms not caring if it was reality or the dream just as long as someone was holding me. I was so scared but I didn't want to ever wake up and have to face my nightmares that happened to be reality again. I guess after I woke up Christian said that Lissa tried to heal me but it never even touched me. That's what scared me the most. Did I have some invisible force not wanting to let anything in? I had never been as scared as that moment in my whole life. I thought I was going to go crazy. I was beyond thinking normally and for myself anymore as I started running and throwing things while outside before I broke down. I sat and I was daydreaming about what could have been between Dimitri and I.

Dimitri and I were walking out on the beach talking and enjoying the sand through our toes as he held me tight and kissed me passionately as I kissed him back just as much. We were smiling at one another not necessarily talking in words but just enjoying each others company. It was almost the beginning of the vampire day so it was about sunset for just sat on a blanket kissing each other ever so softly as he pulls out a ring and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes in a heart beat. I literally wanted to jump on him and attack him. I was so filled with Joy and happiness that nothing would have been able to ruin it for me. After he proposed and after we got done with the beach we headed back up to the Academy and I told everyone. They were so eliated just as I was. It had been the happiest day of my life.

Of course that was to never happen. I was not to get my happy ending. I hated every minute of watching everyone have their better half and not having mine. Adrian had been right. I was full of so much darkness that I didn't think it was possible to get rid of it. I picked up the note that was from Dimitri in the caves.

Dear Roza,  
Did you like the gift I left you? I hope you enjoyed it. I know I certanly enjoyed the way she tasted in my mouth. Let me tell you it was mouth watering. Anyway I just want to tell you I am coming for you and I as you probably guessed am in town and not to far from the academy. I could be there any moment so be on your guard. You have been warned  
Dimitri

I read it over and over finally comprehending that he just might attack the school. I started running then out of the blue he was by me in a flash pulling me down as I started screaming. He was so strong but I had to fight him off I just had to. I finally got enough strength I do not know how to throw him off of me. I ran and found a stick and jabbed it into him anywhere I could reach and then I ran as fast as I could. I knew he wasn't going to stay stunned forever so I did not hesitate this time as I made it back to the academy. And just as I did so Dimitri caught up with me grabbing my ankle as I started screaming. Just then a few guardians came out and started in on the brawl. I went up to Lissa's room to make sure she was alright as I grabbed something sharp and ran back down stairs.


	2. Adrian and I started dating

**Rose's POV**

**Chapter 2 Adrian and I started dating! **

By the time I had gotten back downstairs to join in the brawl, Dimitri had several guardians on the ground already. It took me a second to remember that this isn't the man that I fell in love with anymore. And now he was waiting for me to put him out of his misery.

I rushed over just when he was about to kill my mom and Stan, but there was no way I was about to let that happen. Not while I was still here.

"Dimitri, you always taught me not to hesitate, so there's no reason for me to do it now. I love you."

Just then I jumped forward and threw myself between him and my Mom, whose throat he was getting awfully close to. I knocked him away – my mom stumbled away and Stan helped her up – but he quickly recovered. I tried to throw the knife into him but he was to fast and he knocked me over and I landed flat on my back. So much for being that amazing fighter.

I don't know if he planned it or not, but as I fell, the knife in my hand flipped and was now pointing right at me. Dimitri went down after me to pin me, but only wound up ramming the knife straight into my chest. And let me tell you: it hurt like a bitch. I gasped out in surprise just as I fell and watched a look I thought I would never see on Dimitri's face – Strigoi or not.

Everything went black after that.

I woke up with a searing pain in my chest, and I wasn't sure where I was at or why it hurt so bad. I couldn't remember what I had been doing before all of this – whatever this was. I started hearing worried voices calling out my name. Slowly, I opened my eyes semi-consciously while I looked around. I was wearing a breathing mask and doctors surrounded me, trying to stop the bleeding.

Bleeding…

That's right. I was stabbed in the chest. And Dimitri had been looming over me.

I heard monitors beeping all over the place and the last beep I heard before falling back into oblivion is my heart stopping as I reached out to Lissa to tell her it would be okay.

I was apparently in the land where the ghosts go, because I saw Lissa's parents and brother there along with Mason. I was sort of confused is to why of all places they – whoever "they" were – would send me here. I looked curiously at them and for the first time since Mason had died I was able to hear him talk.

_"Rose, it's not your time to go yet. You have to save Dimitri. I cannot explain it to you, but we cannot allow you to die."_

I looked Mason straight in the eye.

"Mase, what are you talking about? I can hear them trying to save me. It's not going to work. I like being here with you. There is no pain and it's very quiet. That's what I have longed for, for so many years. You can't make me go back. Please, I beg of you. Please let me stay."

Mason and everyone else looked at me sadly.

_"It's not your time yet Rose," Mason repeated_

"I don't want to go back!" I said, almost crying by this point. "I just want my Dimitri with me. Not the evil Dimitri but the one I know very well, the one I fell in love with. I just want to be here in this land with him nothing evil around us. Is that to much to ask for?"

_"Rose, listen I know you're in pain and I know you want Dimitri. Believe me when I say I have seen it in both worlds. If you really want to save him, you have to go after him. You have to be sure he knows you love him. He needs you more then ever right now. Although he has no feelings and can't love, I see it in his eyes even now. He is trying to fight it. He loves you Rose."_

I was almost surprised that all of that had come from Mason, one of my true friends. I knew he was right and I knew that I owed him at least this, but I couldn't do it. I didn't _want_ to do it.

"Mason, I love him but I just can't bring myself to stop thinking about him. I mean look at me. I am nothing, nothing compared to him."

_"Rose you're a strong person. Stronger then you give yourself credit for. I mean look you're fighting for your life right now as we speak. You're strong, okay? You can beat this, pull through, and be in the real world again. Rose, you're shadow kissed. If you can survive a car wreck that you should have died in, you could survive anything."_

I was going to point out that that had been Lissa's doing, but shoes not to say anything. Sometimes it was better to just stay quiet and let other figure it out for themselves.

"Fine, I'll go, but that doesn't mean I will be happy doing so."

Mason smiled his mysterious smile at me. _"Thank you, Rose. I love you ;we all do. So take care, please."_

Mason and the others suddenly disappeared. Just then I felt cold and I didn't know where I was. Everything was dark and then I started hearing a relieved voice. Then I slowly started remembering where I was. I was in the real world again. Fighting for my life not knowing what was going to happen next. I was strong. I could make it through anything as Mason had said. His words echoed in my head

_"Rose, you're shadow kissed. If you can survive a car wreck that you should have died in, you could survive anything."_

"She's coming back. We need to pull that knife out of her right now before we lose her again."

I kept fading in and out of consciousness not knowing what was going on. All I knew is I was in pain and I was getting ready to cry out too. I was so lost and confused. It was like my body was in one world and my brain in another; like I was split in half two different ways. When they pulled the knife out of my chest, I screamed. Can you blame me? I was already in a lot of pain, both physical and mental.

I finally felt a small pinch and I was out surrounded by darkness. The last thing I heard was the doctor saying to get me something for the pain. I wished for some odd reason at that moment Adrian would come rescue me for a little bit. Even in my sleep I felt the pain. This was the worst pain I had ever experience, besides on the airplane. In fact I think it might have been worse. I felt like I was fighting for my life even after the doctor's pulled the knife. Who knows? I may have been for all I knew.

The next thing I remember is a face I couldn't place. It seemed familiar but at the same time not so much. My eyes were kind of blurry from all the drugs they had given me. As I shivered, someone had wrapped a blanket around me.

I felt some strong arms wrap around me as I heard his voice. Adrian's voice was like music to my ears.

"It's okay, Little Dhampir. You made it through the worst of it. I am very proud of you; we all are. We all knew you could pull through."

"Oh, Adrian, I am so glad to hear a familiar voice." I snuggled closer to him, happy that my wish to be near him came true. "I was so scared, and it was kind of creepy being dead…or somewhat dead. Then again, I didn't even want to come back. I was so peaceful…wherever I was."

His arms held my tighter. "Little Dhampir, I am just glad you're back. We were all worried."

"How bad was it really, Adrian? How bad was the bleeding?"

He hesitated, like he didn't want to tell me. "You're…probably better off not asking."

"Okay then, I won't."

I smiled at him and talked for hours before everyone else started to come in to see me. By the end of the day I was all worn out to the point where Adrian was pretty much talking to himself. I felt bad but I was so, so tired. He tucked me in and kissed my forehead and sat in the chair next to my bed. I heard him sing to himself, as I smiled not knowing he could sing.

Before I drifted off to sleep I was thinking of the conversation before I had left to track down Dimitri. I had made him a promise and I was for once going to try it without feeling guilty. I was determined to get on with my life and forget about Dimitri. I needed to – it wasn't healthy for me to be living the way I have for so many months. I curled deeper in my blankets smiling at the thought. I was finally going to make myself a challenge, to make an effort to rid my world of Dimitri for good.

The next day I woke up and gave Adrian a kiss and told him I would go out with him.

He smiled as he had a whole essay written out for me as he had promised me he would. I laughed at him as he ticked off everything on his list he was going to try and change. I kissed him on the cheek smiling holding his hand. I was content just to listen to his rambling. His voice was soothing to me and I couldn't help but feel content and safe around him. He sounded so excited. I was actually happy to give him a chance. I haven't felt this happy in months. I even for once forgot about the warnings about Dimitri coming for me.

I felt like a new person as I tried sitting still in bed, pulling through my recovery stage. I eventually got back to my lessons and training and couldn't wait to see Adrian and the gang once more at the end of each day. That was in the span of almost a month. Now it was just another day, but I was excited because we were all going to hang out for dinner.

I quickly went and showered. I got dressed into something a little more comfortable and headed to the main campus where dinner was served. I found Lissa, Chrisitan, Mia, Eddie and Adrian all talking animatedly about everything and everybody. I had my old life back – almost.

"Hey, guys," I greeted, sitting between Lissa and Adrian. I earned a smile from both of them which warmed my heart.

"So, you will never believe who I saw in the hall today!" Christian teased, sounding like he was completely serious, but I knew the difference. We all looked at him smiling as we waited for his response but he just dragged it on until I threw something at him. I think it was a dinner roll.

"I saw the infamous Rose Hathaway sucking all over on Adrian Ivashkov's face."

At that remark, he did get something thrown in his face. He's just lucky Lissa jumped between us like she always did before something drastic happened. Of course I teased him back; how could I not?

"Hey, watch it, Sparky. At least you don't have to watch Adrian and I suck face through a bond."

That reminded me…

I turned to Lissa. "By the way, Lissa, I hate it when that happens. Do try and contain your feelings, will ya?"

Lissa went bright pink and Christian was at a loss for words.

Yup. My life was back to normal.

**A/N **_**The more reviews I get the happier I am therefore more chapters. Also I had to redo this chapter from the original one I had. Sorry about the wait. It took me a couple of days to post it and trying to do touch ups on it all at the same time. Anyway enough of my bantering. PLEASE REVIEW!**_


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